All around the world quitters are giving in today. They are making excuses for going back to their addiction. They are saying, "resolutions are stupid anyway," and, "I'll quit when I'm damn ready," and, "it was a good idea but we all know it's not gonna happen."
My resolution is resolute. My mind is made up. This time is for real. I'll just drink more. I'll chew gum. I already bought 4 bags of sunflower seeds. That will get me through the weekend. I don't feel too bad. I really want a cigarette but I don't really need one. My friend Peter is going outside now. He didn't bother with a quitting resolution. He knows it's bullshit. I could bum a butt from him and feel that familiar tingle in no time.
...but I won't. I don't need it. Already the poison is draining from my pores and leaving my system. By the end of the week I will be breathing better and feeling healthier. All I need is a month. It's cold outside anyhow. If I can last a month this time will be the last. This time is for real and I am no longer a smoker.
I'm a quitter.
...but nobody likes a quitter.