Weiner: A Comic's Wet Dream

What could be better than a guy named

Weiner running for Mayor of New York City?

How about a sexual texter who takes selfie pics

at the gym or pictures of his bulging jockeys

and then sends them to cute young

girls on the Internet?!

The hotdog, Oscar Mayor Weiner jokes write themselves.

I'm sure you'll also hear plenty of innuendo... 

This guy Weiner is a real dick! 

Weiner has had a long, hard life.
Nobody knows how to finish a job like Weiner.
Weiner is in an out of meetings and back in again.

I'll bet he's got the balls to handle New York City. 
Mayor Weiner will come at issues with force.

Weiner never steps till he's about to spew.
 It's clear that Anthony is the cock of the walk.

 Weiner works harder than any other politician.

If you want something done right, get a Weiner.

Weiner will take NYC from behind and thrust it into center.

...stuff like that.

In all honestly there's no way
that he could possibly do worse than Bloomberg.
As long as he doesn't tell people what to drink,
including babies and breast milk,
then I think he'll be ok.   

Empire State of Meh (Empire State of Mind parody)

Empire State of Mind is one of the greatest songs ever written about New York City and arguably an anthem for our generation. Since New York is the greatest city in the world it's only fitting that the greatest artists of our time would pay homage to the Big Apple. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys are both at the top of their game and this song is an epic tribute that glorifies all the best aspects of NYC.

... but they didn't touch on the downsides. When you are as wealthy as Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, New York City is a great place to be. If you are a struggling artist, a small-time stock broker, or a hipster hanging out in Zuccotti Park for Occupy the City can be a tough place to get by. There are rats and homeless people on every corner, Mayor Bloomberg wants to control your soda portions and your breast milk, and the rent is too damn high.

This was an ambitious project to take on. A good friend of mine told me, "Don't touch it... but if you're going to do it, do it right." After he saw the finished product he admitted that I did it right.

Each of the five boroughs are mentioned in this parody (Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Staten Island and the Bronx) as well as a few of our major sports teams (the Mets, Yankees and Giants). This parody talks about what life is like in New York City for the majority of us trying to make it... and no song about the Tri-State area would be complete without a Snooki reference.

I tried to make the music video as close as possible to the original. Jay-Z does a lot of strange hand movements and both he and Alicia switch outfits several times. Watch his first... then watch mine.

Take a look. Let me know what you think.
 

- John Powers (http://youtu.be/UOCLchwkrhk)

Turn the TV off

It's easy to talk about Glee, Louie, Big Bang Theory, the New York Yankees, Dancing with the Stars, The Housewives of (insert city here), Celebrity Apprentice, Family Guy, Game of Thrones, and American Idol. I like them too... but those are big league programs. Major television networks decided that enough people will watch those and make them lots of money in advertising revenue. There's a reason Disney still exists. Mickey Mouse is losing more than he's earning these days but he bought ESPN, Pixar, and ABC. 
Some suit in an office that overlooks the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree decides what millions of people will watch each season. It's not about entertainment. It's not about making your life better. It's not about spreading positivity. It's not about making the world a better place. It's about money. It's about that guy buying a new Jaguar and sending his kids to an expensive private school. It's about the parent company getting enough ad sales revenue. It's a distraction. It's about keeping your eyes on your TV instead of your family. It's about looking into a black screen instead of looking around you, or inside yourself. We live in a culture that is decided for us. We feel involved when we vote someone off a show but every 100,000 text messages is a million dollars for the phone company. 

Art is a choice. 

Choose to support local art. 

Clerks 3 featuring... YOU?

Kevin Smith has decided to go grass-roots once again. The writer/director best know for his Jay & Silent Bob films got his big break by maxing out credits cards for the original Clerks and has decided to use social networking to help cast what could be his final film, Clerks III.

Smith is a social media guru and has decided to give back to his supporters in an interesting way. Anyone that retweets #ClerksCast to @ThatKevinSmith will be given a background cameo appearance in the new film. The production is a long way off and still awaiting the thumbs up from original co-star Jeff Anderson (Randall) but this news is an interesting twist for anyone who ever wanted to be involved with a Kevin Smith movie or smoke a blunt alongside Jay and Silent Bob.

Clerks was a dialogue-heavy reflection of the life and times of two 20-somethings in the early 1990's. Clerks 2, the sequel to the original featured Dante and Randall in their 30's, and this final film will reportedly feature the two in their 40's.

Read this Huffington Post article on the new film!

#LesserFilms

Compiled this list of #LesserFilms that would not have been 

as popular as the film that we saw in theaters...

#Lesserfilms

2002 - Space Normalcy

Not Very Loud and Kinda Far Away

The Noise of the Lambs

The Glowing

Schindler's Pad and Pen

Raiders of Noah's Ark

Near the Waterfront

Moulin Eyeshadow

Mr. Smith Stays Away from Washington

Miracle on 33rd Street

My Moderately Average-Sized Mediterranean Culture-Influenced Wedding

Malcolm IX

Inherit the Breeze

While Men Can't Walk

Moderate Expectations

From Here Till Sometime that Won't Last Forever

Sex & the Suburbs

Normal-Temperature Runnings

OT - The On-Terrestrial

Ocean's 10

Unclean Harry

The Dirty 11

The Day the Earth Kept Revolving

Field of Brief Unconsciousness

That Guy Without a Title from Monte Cristo

The Fiddler on the Balcony

Cat on a Warm, Aluminum Roof

The Brunch Club

Boogie Evenings

Ben-Him

Living in the Present Time Without a DeLorean

Apollo 10

Les Happiebles

The King and Someone Other Than Me

The Good, the Bad, and the Not Attractive

Normalbad

The 39-Year-Old Virgin

The Pleasant Dream Before Christmas

Mr. Popper's Unhatched Eggs

The Girl with the Meaningless and Unintimidating Tattoo

Home with Other People Present

That Time We Left Pelham 1, 2, 3 Alone

A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Tri-State Area

The Man Who Knew Just Enough

Meet the Extended Family

Off-the-Record Conversation with a Vampire

Sweeney Todd: The Friendly Barber on Fleet Street

Meaningless Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

40 Days and 39 Nights

There's Nothing Special About Mary

How to Lose a Guy in 11 Days

Jack and the Bean

Me, Myself and Nobody Else

Jay & Silent Bob on  Strike

Mall Occasional Visitors

Convenience Store Applicants

Casually Pursuing Amy

Half-Marathon Man

An American Werewolf in... America

I Don't Know What You Did Last Summer

Little Shop of Plants that don't eat Steve Martin

Honey, The Kids Are of Normal Proportion

The Mummy Considers Returning, but Decides Not To

Fetuses of the Corn

Girlfriend of Frankenstein

House of 999 Corpses

Injure Bill

From Dusk Till About an Hour Later

Shallow Blue Sea

Saw: 2D

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Madeout with Me

... Normal Activity

Terminator 2: Non-Judgemental Day

Shaun of theLiving

Second-to-last Destination

Dracu-meh

The Cabin in Noplace Scary

Willy Wonka and the Pillow Factory

Lincoln: Vampire Spayer

Indiana Jones & the Temple of Serenity

The Dark Kmorning

Lord of Cat Town

American Pastry

Lunch at Bernie's

One Flew Over the Sparrow's Nest

Forrest Chump

House on the Hill That's Not Haunted

#ReplaceSongTitlesWithVagina

I love sexual puns.
This hashtag allowed my mind to think of some really good ones. In no particular order, here's a bunch of tweets on this hashtag

#ReplaceSongTitlesWithVagina
(see if you can guess what song/band it is, and feel free to add your own below!)

Smells Like Teen Vagina
Heart-Shaped Vagina
Come as Vagina Are
Where Did Vagina Sleep Last Night
Something in the Vagina
Scentless Vagina
Bohemian Vagina
Another One Bites the Vagina
Vagina Will Rock You
Semi-Charmed Vagina
Motorcycle Drive-Vagina
Deep Inside of Vagina
Hey There Vagina
Gimme Some Vagina
Vagina Police
Fairytale of New Vagina
Stairway to Vagina
Your Vagina is Gonna Come
Immigrant Vagina
Over the Vagina and Far Away
Fool in the Vagina
Good Times, Bad Vagina
When the Vagina Breaks
The Vagina Remains the Same
Whole Lotta Vagina
Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Vagina
Wicked Vagina
Where the Vagina Goes
Wet My Vagina
Lady, Your Vagina Brings Me Down
Big Vagina Baby
Lady Vagina Show
Vagina Can't Change Me
Seeking a Vagina for the End of the World
Good Riddance (Vagina of Your Life)
When Vagina Come Around
Bitter Sweet Vagina
Vagina on Parade
Sleep Now in the Vagina
Vaginas of Funk
Take the Vagina Back
Calm Like a Vagina
Killing in the Vagina of
Vagina of the Sun
Molly (Sixteen Vaginas)
Oh! You Pretty Vagina
I'm Afraid of Vaginas
Vagina Stardust
The Man Who Sold the Vagina
Champagne Vagina
Don't Look Back in Vagina
With Vagina Wide Open
Six Feet from the Vagina
What's this Vagina For?
Wynonna's Big Brown Vagina
My Vagina is Mud
Black Hole Vagina
Burden in My Vagina
Blow Up the Outside Vagina
Show Me the Vagina
Baby, I Love Your Vagina
Vagina Like a Hole
The Perfect Vagina
Every Vagina is Exactly the Same
The Vagina That Feeds
March of the Vagina
Old Time Rock n' Vagina
Turn the Vagina
Enter Vagina
Blue Suede Vagina
Only Fools Rush Vagina
Hound Vagina
Unchained Vagina
I Wanna Rock n' Vagina All Night
Vagina State of Mind
Scenes From an Italian Vagina
Hot For Vagina
Crash Into Vagina
Don't Drink the Vagina
Vagina Marching
What Would Vag
Three Little Vaginas
Trenchtown Vagina
Could Vagina be Loved?
If I Had a Million Vaginas
Total Eclipse of the Vagina
Fight for Your Right to Vagina
Pour Some Vagina on Me
(I Can't Get No) Vagina
I Wanna Hold Your Vagina
The Long and Winding Vagina
A Day in the Vagina
Strawberry Vagina Forever
While My Vagina Gently Weeps
Something in the Vagina
Here Comes the Vagina
Hard Vagina Night
Can't Buy Me Vagina
Fixing a Vagina
All Vaginas Must Pass
I've Just Seen a Vagina
You've Got to Hide Your Vagina Away
8 Vaginas a Week
Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Vagina
I Get Vagina with a Little Help from my Friends
All You Need is Vagina
I've Just Seen a Vagina
Mean Vagina Mustard
Please, Please Vagina
You've Lost That Lovin' Vagina
Another Brick in the Vagina
Another Vagina in the Wall pt. 2
Dark Side of the Vagina
Comfortably Vagina
Wish Vagina Were Here
One Man Vagina
Superman's Vagina
Gangnam Vagina
We Won't Get Vagina Again
Vagina, Reign O'er Me
The Vaginas Are Alright
Papa's Got a Brand New Vagina
Dude, Looks Like a Vagina
Walk This Vagina
Livin' on the Vagina
Sweet Vagina
Dream Vagina
Vagina in an Elevator
Sweet Vagina O' Mine
All Along the Vagina
No Woman, No Vagina
Trenchtown Vagina
Three Little Vaginas
Could You be Vagina?
Blowin' in the Vagina
Losing My Vagina
Vagina Hurts
What's the Vagina, Kenneth?
Where is my Vagina?
Here Comes Your Vagina
The End is the Beginning is the Vagina
I Would Do Anything for Vagina
Vagina by the Dashboard Lights
Two Out of Three Ain't Vagina
Vagina on the Run
No More Lonely Vagina
Silly Vagina Songs
Hotel Vagina
Peaceful Easy Vagina
Take Vagina Easy
Vagina That I Used to Know
Under the Vagina
Give Vagina Away
Suck My Vagina
Me and My Vagina
Elderly Vagina Behind the Counter in a Small Town

New Hashtag... #TooSoon

So... I thought I'd made some jokes to offend people.

Here they are:

30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

Tonight I'm gonna wear a John Wilkes-Booth costume to see Lincoln. #TooSoon

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

I think I'm gonna do some blow with Whitney Houston and Billy Mays... #TooSoon

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

#NobodyCares about the Mets giving David Wright an extension... they're still going to suck. #TooSoon

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

Tonight I'm gonna dress up as @officialmculkin and beat the crap out of Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. #TooSoon

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

I'm gonna hire a bunch of actors to portray paparazzi and chase the prince of England's new wife around. #TooSoon

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

Tonight I'm gonna dress like a spider and scare the crap out of @Jeff_Daniels #TooSoon?

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

@NICKIMINAJ it's been one week since #PinkFriday and my life is greatly improved as a result. Best album ever. #Sarcasm #TooSoon

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

Tonight I'm gonna dress like @Captsully and fly my plane through a flock of birds and then into the Hudson. #TooSoon http://youtu.be/vPnSGyAJ_9U 

View video

30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

Tomorrow I'm going to dress like Aaliyah and go for a flight in a small plane. #TooSoon

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

Tonight I'm gonna dress as Burgess Meredith and inspire @TheSlyStallone to do things that concern boxing.

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30 Nov John Powers ‏@ComicJohnPowers

Tonight I'm taking @rihanna to a boxing match. #TooSoon

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