Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Subway Yoga Mat Sandwich™

Comic John Powers Jared Fogle Subway Yoga Mat Sandwich
Comic John Powers with Jared, the Subway Guy

Ever since Subway unveiled it's Yoga Mat Sandwich™ sales at the fast-food sub shop have plummeted. It seems that suddenly people care more about their health then they do about getting fast food at a decent price. Above is a picture of Jared (the Subway Guy) Fogle and myself at a Subway restaurant on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. It was a busy lunchtime hour but Jared and I were the only ones indulging in the tasty Subway cuisine. 

Subway has long stood behind the catchphrase "Eat Fresh," suggesting that they provide fresh ingredients and a healthier alternative to the Big Mac, the Whopper and Taco Bell mystery meat. They even teamed up with Olympian Michael Phelps in an attempt to appeal to athletes and stoners alike. 

Some people were shocked to find that the bread at subway actually contains the same ingredients as a yoga mat. 
Kristen Delfonte of Brooklyn said, "I can't believe it. The bread always smells so fake and rubbery when I walk past the store. It's just a complete shock to find out there's azodicarbonamide in there."

Robert Erlens was astounded to learn that adding Chipotle Mayo adds 500 calories. "I was astounded to learn that adding Chipotle Mayo adds 500 calories. They say it's less calories than other fast food joints... yeah, if you order a plain 6-inch with no cheese! Who does that?! When I order a foot-long sub, I want it to have the works! I'm talking double-meat, double cheese, and a bunch of soggy peppers and pickles and stuff!"

A woman in line who asked not to be identified ordered a 6-inch Italian. Right after she said that, Jared tapped her on the shoulder and winked. When we caught up with him after the incident he replied, "It's actually 4 and a half inches."

Comic John Powers Jared Fogle Subway Yoga Mat Sandwich
The Yoga Mat Sandwich™ at Subway

No matter how big it is, people are not happy that Subway bread is not simply made of yeast and flour. The chemicals and additives in our fast food may keep it fresh longer, bake the bread higher, or make the french fries tastier, but we no longer care about any of that. Gone are the days when the consumer will blindly gobble whatever is available in a 2-mile radius of their office. We demand more than artificial rubber yoga mat bread. We want a healthy sandwich, prepared fresh, with real ingredients. 

...and no, we don't want it "toatsted."

- John Powers


  1. it's going to be ironic, sad and funny all at the same time when Jared is said to have cancer cause all he ate was yoga mat bread, I've eaten some yoga mat bread in my day. Actually have had some in your company, unbeknownst to me that I was even ingesting chemicals, that can also be found in yoga mats. I feel cheated and lied to, and even though those commercials for their new fritos sandwich look so damn good, I'm not going to get one I don't want to eat anymore yoga mats if I can help it!

  2. Nice information! you explained the topic very well along with awesome pictures. The content has provided meaningful information thanks for sharing information and it's very useful for me.I just love your blog.Thanks for sharing such kind of useful post..


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