How to "Not Give a Damn"

An old friend of mine (…well, he’s 29… not that old) recently asked how to leave care behind when hitting on women in a social setting.  I thought I would try to help, in the form of written word on a screen.  Here are some things to keep in mind to help you "not give a damn" when hitting on chicks...

There’s Nothing to Lose

The first thing to bare in mind is that you are risking nothing.  If it goes well the reward could be great, but if it doesn’t your costs are minimal.  A drink?  Some time?  These things are a small price to pay for the opportunity to meet someone interesting.  Go for it.  There’s no reason not to.  If the lady of your attention does not respond well to your affection, move on.  Don’t take it to heart.  Screw her.  It’s her loss, and you’re no worse off than you were 10 minutes prior.

She’s only a Human

Although she might have beautiful eyes, smooth skin and an ass you would eat peanut putter off… she’s only human.  No matter what her parents told her growing up, she is not a princess.  She has flaws and insecurities and baggage just like the rest of us.  You’re not hitting on Miss September, 2010… you’re hitting on a real estate agent who drives a Toyota.  Treat her as such.  If she’s out of your league and you approach her timidly… you are guaranteed to fail.  If you consider no one “untouchable” then any woman in the place is… touchable.

Options are Limitless

So you strike out a couple times… don’t let it get you down.  Move on.  There are plenty of places to go and plenty of potential mates all around you.  Just because you liked that blonde from the first bar doesn’t mean she should still be on your mind as you approach someone else an hour later.  Let it go.  Move on and keep an open mind.  The more spaghetti you throw against a wall, the better the chances are that something might stick...

You’re Not Alone

Guess what… they’re looking for you.  In physics every force has an equal and opposite force.  You’re pushing for a lady… there’s a lady out there pushing for a you.  Don’t forget that.  If you feel like you’re all alone and nobody wants you… that will be the energy you put out there.  Send a vibe of… “hey, I’m a good dude… you should want to know me.”  If you're in the right place at the right time you are sure to eventually run across your equal opposite.  Wait for it...

Animals Smell Fear

It’s like cologne.  The scent that moves around with you is the first thing a woman smells when you come near her.  Do you want her to smell fear, doubt and insecurity… or playfulness, lightheartedness and confidence?  You don’t want to be arrogant, but you want to give a vibe that you’re on top of things.  You want the lady-folk to look at you and say, “wow… I’d like to talk to him.”

Play it cool.  Confident and self-assured.  Don’t take it too seriously.  If that chick isn’t interested… forget her.  There’s no reason to give a damn… so don’t.  The “who cares” attitude is a good one to sport when you’re out hunting.  Laugh it off… smile a lot, and joke around with your wingmen.  Women will see you having a good time and want to be included.

… if none of this works, buy an expensive car and wait outside the club.

Why Bother?

Seems like most people today

are too selfish for relationships.

They've carved out what they

consider to be a life that makes

sense to them, and they live it.

When you get involved with

another person, you have to

adjust to their schedule, as

well as their habits and

preferences...

People don't want to compromise.

Every single female I know

is looking for the same thing.

Some guy on a horse from

a Disney movie they saw

when they were young.

They're 6's and 7's...

...but they all want a 10.

Sorry, lady... you're not

actually a princess.

A long term relationship

is not easy, no matter how

it starts or at what age...

Compromise and respect

go a long way and those

are traits that you don't

hear too often in any

songs on the radio.

Love yourself.

... but be realistic.

Be good to each other.

It comes back around.

- John

Marijuana to be Legalized this Frday!

John Powers

Field Reporter

In a surprising move, the US Congress has decided to legalize the marijuana plant and simultaneously take cigarettes off shelves.  Cigarettes are a leading cause of cancer, addiction, and bad breath.  Marijuana on the contrary is the leading cause of "chilling," "creative invention," "artistic creation," and has a surprising calming effect on anyone who takes it into their system.  

We have long known the negative effects of smoking cigarettes, and the people have finally convinced the government that we don't want them available to us anymore.  After years of ineffective 'anti-smoking campaigns', paid for by the tobacco companies as subliminal advertising... they finally realized the only way to stop people from smoking cigarettes is to take them off the shelves.  The idea to replace cigarettes with "doobies" was simply logical.

Marijuana is not addictive.  The only reason people do it every day is because it feels so nice.  The only known side effect of marijuana is paranoia, but that will likely subside after legalization... when people no longer need to feel like a criminal when they have a joint.

There are several way to consume marijuana.  The most common method is to smoke it, either rolled like a cigarette, or in a pipe or bong.  Some people prefer to eat it.  If you choose to go this route, the most common method is to include it in brownie or cake mix.  Make sure you have plenty of other munchies handy.

The reason the government has been putting this move off for so long is because they were in bed with the tobacco industry.  Also, once the product became legal money-hungry politicians were nervous that it would be too hard to regulate growing processes.  Marijuana has long been known for the "weed" aspects of this product.  It grows fairly easily in most normal agricultural conditions.  Thanks to the downfall of the economy and the housing market, nobody owns land anymore... so congress thought it was finally safe to legalize.  

The versatile cannabis plant can also be used to make rope, clothing, paper, and many other useful products.  It will be interesting to watch how quickly the rainforests grow back. 

New Robot Acts Like a Human!

Computers have taken another step towards becoming human this week. In an unprecedented study, research teams from five really expensive and elitist colleges decided to install a program that mimics human brain processes as well as social and behavioral patterns. 

The computer, aptly nicknamed "H.A.R.R.Y. (Human Attributes Robotically Replace You)" was given the median human traits of modern-day Americans. The traits were taken from a cross section of people where age, race, income, location, diet, activity and desires were all considered. The results of this data collection were added to a new processing program.

Once the new program was installed, Harry started acting more like the average American. After five years of studying him... the results have finally been published. Harry started as an ordinary robot. He cleaned your house and pool, and made sure intruders didn't steal your dog. After the new behavioral program was installed, research teams watched as Harry became quite lazy. In a matter of two weeks he stopped all cleaning efforts. Within a year he had gained 50 pounds. By the end of the five-year program, he was hardly recognizable, even by those who had known him best. At the beginning of the study, Harry did not care for television... now he watches at least 4 hours of it a day.

When the program started, Harry the Human Computer Robot was given $50,000 in his very own bank account. Three years into the program, not only had he depleted the account, he also owed $25,000 on credit cards he had signed up for. The house he purchased was more than he could afford and is now being foreclosed upon.  On top of that, he was let go from his job recently due to downsizing.

At the start of the study, Harry was quite social with other robots and had frequent gatherings with artists and deep thinkers, typically over wine and cheese. By the end of the 2nd year, half of his friends stopped calling him and the other half expected to watch TV and eat junk food whenever they ventured over to Harry's place. They described his situation as, "a sad demonstration of what the human experience can do to a fine, upstanding robot."

Although some might call this experiment a complete failure... others would say it is the first step towards diagnosing the problems that come with being human. Some say that further experiments must be conducted using only the positive traits of select groups of society... others say that is a grossly biased method of furthering robot snobbery. No matter what the future of robot/human intermingling will be, one thing is clear... Americans are mostly fat, lazy, antisocial, and bad with money.


2011 Studying Things U People Indirectly Demand (S.T.U.P.I.D.)

Woods Pulls Out

Did he not read my last

blog post about him?!

http://johnjpowers.blogspot.com/2011/04/tiger-woods-is-loser.html

Tiger woods pulled out

of the 2011 Players Championship.

(haha, he pulled out...)

Do you know what that does?
It makes sponsors pull out.

It makes the golf unwatchable.

Nobody cares about Lucas Glover.

I'm tired of athletes claiming injury

when what's really going on is... 

...they're not playing well.

Just admit, "well, I wasn't playing well."

Nope.  They make an excuse.

They get a doctor's note.

Their Mom signs it.

(or they forge it)

Play.

... and lose.

Loser.

Fin.

- John