Baba Booey Made the Foo

(my friend "Chainsaw" would say:)

The year was 1997.

Rock music was not doing well.

The Foo Fighters were performing

live on the Howard Stern Show.

As the performance begins,

Stern asks Dave Grohl which

song he will be playing.

Dave responds: For All the Cows.

For All the Cows is a mellow rock

song from the first Foo album that

eventually rocks out heavily.

Stern replies: Play one of your hits.

Baba Booey interjects: Play Everlong.

This was the moment that made

the Foo Fighters a bit more than,

"that band with Nirvana's drummer."

That moment of serenity, with a guy

and a guitar... was almost magical.

Howard Stern got goose bumps.

Adam Sandler used a cleaned-up

(no talking before/during) version of this

very live Everlong performance for his

film (that nobody saw), Little Nicky.

It was the reason everyone wanted

to hear acoustic versions of each

popular Foo Fighters song

from then on...

...but it was never the same.

A Walk in the Park

I went to the dog park with my parents.

We were walking through the woods,

and it let out into this dog paradise.

Suddenly it dawned on me...

People are really out of shape.

They drive their SUVs to the park;

their dogs run laps around them,

free and excited to be loose...

The people stand and watch.

Someone needs to take them

to the nearest "People Park."

There they can run and play

and get some much-needed

cardiovascular exercise...

Last night I had a race with

a pit-bull named Angel.

(my friend Rebecca's rescued dog)

We ran down the beach together,

much like Rocky and Apollo.

I beat her to the finish,

but she beat me back.

It felt nice.

I think she enjoyed it too.

She looked quite happy.

Fîn.

Sessme Fighters...

Today I was listening to

some old recordings I've done.

Namely, my "mantra"...

Then I stumbled on a parody of

the Foo Fighters' "The Pretender"

that I animated when it came out

back in 2008.  It reminded me

so much of the Sesame Street

song, "One of These Things

is Not Like the Others,"

that I just had to...

Here is the original video for

the Foo Fighters' song:

...and my version (sync them up!):

Let me know what you think.

Have a nice day.

- John

McShit

Last night I had a few drinks.

(no surprise there)

Whilst driving home, I spotted

a McDonalds and thought,

"damn, it's been a while,

I should stop there."

Then I made a deal with myself.

'Self,' says I, 'you will not go there

tonight, but you can have it for

lunch tomorrow if you still

feel like you desire it.'

... a pretty solid logic for somone

with a solid buzz going.

I give myself credit.

So today, I stopped there for lunch.

What a terrible idea that was.

McDonalds is only good at 2:30am

when you're drunk enough not to

realize exactly how shitty the

food you're putting into

your mouth really is.

Excuse me, I have to use the restroom.

Ok, I'm back.

Where was I?

Ah yes.

The Evil Empire.

McDonalds is such garbage,

you need to be severely intoxicated

not to realize the nutritional value

of your consumption is equal to

that of not eating a meal at all.

In fact, it's worse.

Not only is there nothing worth

eating at this place, what 

they do have is really

terrible for the body.

Why are these place so popular?!

Oh right... it's cheap and quick.

Damn, convenience... you win again.

(next time I eat it, I'll be wasted)

Notes on Love...

My friend Kendra posted a blog about

a friend of hers that finds and loses a man

in a period of 48 hours of a weekend.

Kendra's Blonde Logic Blog

It upsets me that the lady-folk

have certain expectations

and don't tell us

what they

are.

This is how I handle the situation:

...every time I meet a girl I like,
I call her immediately after we part from each other,
just to make sure she get's home alright. 

Then I poke her on Facebook when I get to my place.
A simple smile ": )" text right before I go to sleep
let's her know I'm dreaming of her and only her...

The next day I cook breakfast and wait outside her apartment.
She's a vegetarian, so I use tofu bacon and soy milk.

I found out on her blog that she usually wakes up
around 8am, and goes for a jog around the park.
My running shorts are tight, but it's all worth it...

After she says, "what the hell are you doing here?"
I decide to eat breakfast alone.
She's not a morning person.

The rest of the day I think of the way her hair looks
right after she gets out of the shower, before she
blow-dries it and puts on jeans and a t-shirt to walk
her adorable little Chihuahua-doodle, Mr. Fluffypants.

I call her once an hour and leave voicemails,
just to let her know that I am thinking of her.

She texts me, "i have a bf"
but I know she doesn't...
She's just playing it cool.

That night I see that her friend Kristen
posted on her Facebook wall that they're
going to a bar downtown. How subtle.

She hasn't called back or responded to my
multiple texts, but I know she wants me to
show up at the bar that she's going to...

I hang in the back and watch her and her friends
hit on guys for a few hours, in an obvious attempt
to make me jealous, but it doesn't work,
I know that she's thinking only of me.

Finally I walk up behind her while she gets a drink,
and whisper in her ear, "hello, my love"...
She turns around and lets out a scream (of excitement!),
then says, "what the hell are you doing here?"
How cute, pretending to be surprised...

I hand her the portrait of us in the nude
that I stayed up the whole night before painting.
She likes it so much that she's speechless.
She goes back to the table with her friends,
and I hail a cab... another great night!
 
Damn, I'm smooth.

 : )

Natural Born Killers

So... Mickey and Mallory are back.

Check this out, true story.

There is currently a fugitive on the loose.

A few days ago, a woman threw wire cutters

into a private prison facility, where her husband,

and two other inmates cut the fence and escaped.

Really?!

Is this a prison, or a gated community?

Why (or how) is it possible to:

a) get wire cutters

b) cut the gate!?

So three inmates and this insane woman were on the run.

Two of the inmates were "captured" and we learn that

the man and woman are fiancées and cousins.

(you can't make this shit up)

They interviewed the man's stepfather (why?!),

and he explained that, "they think they're 

Bonnie and Clyde, but they're not."

Whew.  I thought fictional characters were real.

If these two idiots could be any fictional fugitives,

I'd want them to be Mickey and Mallory from

Natural Born Killers.  Those two were cool.

Start a trend.  Inspire people to be free.

... get Robert Downey, Jr. 

and Denis Leary involved.

Where's Rodney Dangerfield when you need him?

Scan my Pocket

So, a friend of mine recently told me

that there's a new scam out there

where a criminal can scan

your credit cards by

brushing against

your back

pocket.

Perhaps that's what you get for being lazy.

Is it too hard to have to swipe the thing?
You just want to hold your card up to

the gas pump or that thing at the

supermarket checkout line...

...well, that's what you get.

I told my friend not to worry about being a victim.

They're probably only targeting people who 

look like they've got lots of money.

Isn't it bad enough that the 
credit cards are ripping us off?

Charging ridiculous interest rates, and subsequently

putting people into permanent dept for 

spending money they don't have...

(isn't that what the banks did?!)

Why should we be held to a standard 

that the federal government isn't held to?

What is our national dept at this point?

Are there any bill collectors knocking

on the front door of the white house?

(perhaps one day there will be)

Hopefully by then I'll know

how to speak Chinese anyhow.

Either way, I'll take the extra two seconds

and "insert card: remove quickly"

Goodnight.

 - John

Let's Recap...

Seriously?

They put a cap on the leak.

They've sealed off the oil that's

been gushing out of the Earth's core

for nearly three months now.

It really begs the question:
Why didn't they have this cap 3 months ago?

Hey, I've got an idea...

How about, when you drill in the ocean,

let's plan that something might go wrong

and have a cap standing by just in case.

It's not rocket science... it's plumbing.

Why wasn't this the first idea that came to mind?

"Well, we've got a cap, but let's let it gush for a bit."

Wake up, oil industry... and put a lid on it.

- John

My Gripe with Off-Shore "Spilling"

They keep calling it a “spill.”

My definition of a spill is when I have

something contained, and the substance

gets out of my container. Exxon was a spill.

There was only so much oil in that tanker…

then it was in the water. It spilled.

What is happening here is more of a… leak.

(see interactive graphic here)

I compare it to a keg being tapped,

…and something goes wrong with

the tap. Now there’s beer flowing

all of the damn place.

…but this is not beer, it’s crude oil.

(and it's not a keg, it's the earth...)

Then I hear they’re measuring the amount

pouring out of this “leak” in barrels…

Has anyone filled a barrel lately?

There’s no way to accurately measure

how much is leaking because there’s

no way to bottle the freakin’ ocean.

This is the worst case human-caused

environmental devastation since

our forefathers dropped the bomb.



* Special thanks to Ryan Doyle for
posting the blog that inspired this
spill vs. leak discussion...

Dormant

So, I've been living in Florida

since January and already people

are wondering why I'm not doing

Standup Comedy every weekend...

I've (only) done three shows

since I've been down here.

Just because I'm more selective with

where and when I will be performing ($)

does not mean that my creative juices (eww)

aren't flowing just as strongly as they ever did.

...there is a new "Music" page to my website!

I've been jamming again,

and working on websites, designs,

and some more animation for all you

lovers of the Monkeys Testing Condoms!

I'm not just lying dormant
on the side of a river
wondering why
comedy in
Florida
isn't
like
NY
...

So don't fret.

Comedy is what I do.

It takes on many forms.

...but I will never stop attempting

to make people laugh at me.

Thank you.

- John

johnjpowers.com/

Google 30th Anniversary Pac-Man Easter Egg!

(http://www.google.com/)

So... for Pac-Man's 30th Anniversary,

Google decided to allow visitors to

play this classic game on their home page.

Many people enjoyed this yesterday,

but I'm not sure if they found the Easter Egg.

If you hit "insert coin" the game begins.

When you hit it AGAIN Ms. Pac-Man

shows up, and you can play the game

with two players simultaniously!

Using "WASD" you can control

Ms. Pac-Man while your friend

controls Pac-Man with the arrows.

Thanks Google.

... pretty cool.

- John Powers

http://www.johnjpowers.com/

Shameless Plug

So, I'm doing a show this friday.

It's in Cocoa Beach, off A1A.

Duncan Jay is producing it.

It should be a great show.

Stop by.

Laugh a bit.

Also, a reminder that "Shiti Field" T-Shirts

are still available for you to proudly wear

to a baseball game in boycot of corporate

sponsors who can't pay for their own

name on the stadium of a pro team.

That is all.

... as you were.

- John
http://www.johnjpowers.com/