Natural Born Killers

So... Mickey and Mallory are back.

Check this out, true story.

There is currently a fugitive on the loose.

A few days ago, a woman threw wire cutters

into a private prison facility, where her husband,

and two other inmates cut the fence and escaped.

Really?!

Is this a prison, or a gated community?

Why (or how) is it possible to:

a) get wire cutters

b) cut the gate!?

So three inmates and this insane woman were on the run.

Two of the inmates were "captured" and we learn that

the man and woman are fiancées and cousins.

(you can't make this shit up)

They interviewed the man's stepfather (why?!),

and he explained that, "they think they're 

Bonnie and Clyde, but they're not."

Whew.  I thought fictional characters were real.

If these two idiots could be any fictional fugitives,

I'd want them to be Mickey and Mallory from

Natural Born Killers.  Those two were cool.

Start a trend.  Inspire people to be free.

... get Robert Downey, Jr. 

and Denis Leary involved.

Where's Rodney Dangerfield when you need him?

Scan my Pocket

So, a friend of mine recently told me

that there's a new scam out there

where a criminal can scan

your credit cards by

brushing against

your back

pocket.

Perhaps that's what you get for being lazy.

Is it too hard to have to swipe the thing?
You just want to hold your card up to

the gas pump or that thing at the

supermarket checkout line...

...well, that's what you get.

I told my friend not to worry about being a victim.

They're probably only targeting people who 

look like they've got lots of money.

Isn't it bad enough that the 
credit cards are ripping us off?

Charging ridiculous interest rates, and subsequently

putting people into permanent dept for 

spending money they don't have...

(isn't that what the banks did?!)

Why should we be held to a standard 

that the federal government isn't held to?

What is our national dept at this point?

Are there any bill collectors knocking

on the front door of the white house?

(perhaps one day there will be)

Hopefully by then I'll know

how to speak Chinese anyhow.

Either way, I'll take the extra two seconds

and "insert card: remove quickly"

Goodnight.

 - John

Let's Recap...

Seriously?

They put a cap on the leak.

They've sealed off the oil that's

been gushing out of the Earth's core

for nearly three months now.

It really begs the question:
Why didn't they have this cap 3 months ago?

Hey, I've got an idea...

How about, when you drill in the ocean,

let's plan that something might go wrong

and have a cap standing by just in case.

It's not rocket science... it's plumbing.

Why wasn't this the first idea that came to mind?

"Well, we've got a cap, but let's let it gush for a bit."

Wake up, oil industry... and put a lid on it.

- John

My Gripe with Off-Shore "Spilling"

They keep calling it a “spill.”

My definition of a spill is when I have

something contained, and the substance

gets out of my container. Exxon was a spill.

There was only so much oil in that tanker…

then it was in the water. It spilled.

What is happening here is more of a… leak.

(see interactive graphic here)

I compare it to a keg being tapped,

…and something goes wrong with

the tap. Now there’s beer flowing

all of the damn place.

…but this is not beer, it’s crude oil.

(and it's not a keg, it's the earth...)

Then I hear they’re measuring the amount

pouring out of this “leak” in barrels…

Has anyone filled a barrel lately?

There’s no way to accurately measure

how much is leaking because there’s

no way to bottle the freakin’ ocean.

This is the worst case human-caused

environmental devastation since

our forefathers dropped the bomb.



* Special thanks to Ryan Doyle for
posting the blog that inspired this
spill vs. leak discussion...

Dormant

So, I've been living in Florida

since January and already people

are wondering why I'm not doing

Standup Comedy every weekend...

I've (only) done three shows

since I've been down here.

Just because I'm more selective with

where and when I will be performing ($)

does not mean that my creative juices (eww)

aren't flowing just as strongly as they ever did.

...there is a new "Music" page to my website!

I've been jamming again,

and working on websites, designs,

and some more animation for all you

lovers of the Monkeys Testing Condoms!

I'm not just lying dormant
on the side of a river
wondering why
comedy in
Florida
isn't
like
NY
...

So don't fret.

Comedy is what I do.

It takes on many forms.

...but I will never stop attempting

to make people laugh at me.

Thank you.

- John

johnjpowers.com/