Last night I had a few drinks.
(no surprise there)
Whilst driving home, I spotted
a McDonalds and thought,
"damn, it's been a while,
I should stop there."
Then I made a deal with myself.
'Self,' says I, 'you will not go there
tonight, but you can have it for
lunch tomorrow if you still
feel like you desire it.'
... a pretty solid logic for somone
with a solid buzz going.
I give myself credit.
So today, I stopped there for lunch.
What a terrible idea that was.
McDonalds is only good at 2:30am
when you're drunk enough not to
realize exactly how shitty the
food you're putting into
your mouth really is.
Excuse me, I have to use the restroom.
Ok, I'm back.
Where was I?
Ah yes.
 |
| The Evil Empire. |
McDonalds is such garbage,
you need to be severely intoxicated
not to realize the nutritional value
of your consumption is equal to
that of not eating a meal at all.
In fact, it's worse.
Not only is there nothing worth
eating at this place, what
they do have is really
terrible for the body.
Why are these place so popular?!
Oh right... it's cheap and quick.
Damn, convenience... you win again.
(next time I eat it, I'll be wasted)
I call her immediately after we part from each other,
just to make sure she get's home alright.
Then I poke her on Facebook when I get to my place.
A simple smile ": )" text right before I go to sleep
let's her know I'm dreaming of her and only her...
The next day I cook breakfast and wait outside her apartment.
She's a vegetarian, so I use tofu bacon and soy milk.
I found out on her blog that she usually wakes up
around 8am, and goes for a jog around the park.
My running shorts are tight, but it's all worth it...
After she says, "what the hell are you doing here?"
I decide to eat breakfast alone.
She's not a morning person.
The rest of the day I think of the way her hair looks
right after she gets out of the shower, before she
blow-dries it and puts on jeans and a t-shirt to walk
her adorable little Chihuahua-doodle, Mr. Fluffypants.
I call her once an hour and leave voicemails,
just to let her know that I am thinking of her.
She texts me, "i have a bf"
but I know she doesn't...
She's just playing it cool.
That night I see that her friend Kristen
posted on her Facebook wall that they're
going to a bar downtown. How subtle.
She hasn't called back or responded to my
multiple texts, but I know she wants me to
show up at the bar that she's going to...
I hang in the back and watch her and her friends
hit on guys for a few hours, in an obvious attempt
to make me jealous, but it doesn't work,
I know that she's thinking only of me.
Finally I walk up behind her while she gets a drink,
and whisper in her ear, "hello, my love"...
She turns around and lets out a scream (of excitement!),
then says, "what the hell are you doing here?"
How cute, pretending to be surprised...
I hand her the portrait of us in the nude
that I stayed up the whole night before painting.
She likes it so much that she's speechless.
She goes back to the table with her friends,
and I hail a cab... another great night!
Damn, I'm smooth.
: )