My old friend Shanté
(she's not that old)
posted the following
article on "Thought Catalog"
 |
| This ^ is her. |
Please read it.
... then read my response.
(as it appears below)
_______________________________
Strange seeing it from the female perspective.
I've often wondered what girlfriends have meant
when they said that they weren't ready to get serious
or tie themselves into an exclusive relationship just yet.
You're right, men like having the option of "yes" at our disposal.
... but often we dispose of it without ever giving it a fair chance.
There is a movement of young educated people towards
fulfilling one's own desires and finding one's own happiness
before considering getting attached to someone else's...
It's important to be sure you're ready to settle down
before you do so (that's why it's called settling),
but it's also important to share in the warmth
of the trust and comforts of another human.
All too often we focus on the immediate
rewards and lack the patience to see
long-term potentials of opportune
cost materialize. That's the main
reason that people in our age-
range are continuing to put
off long-term commitment
for the instantaneous benefits
of a quickie or a non-substantial
relationship. Why suffer through
the hard times when it's completely
unnecessary at this point in our lives?
Have we learned nothing from the mistakes
of our elders in the premature consummation
of a lack-luster relationship? Forget about your
second marriage... choose your first one just a bit
more carefully, and be sure that it's what will make
you the happiest for as far as you can project into the
future of your life. If nobody you've found can fulfill your
requirements... then wait it out. Time will differentiate the
meaningless from the substantial and you'll be glad you waited.
It is more wise to wait for what we think we want than to settle
for something we know we like but may not love... it is better
to be alone than to be locked into something that doesn't
make you feel completely satisfied in important ways.
Thanks for writing.
You have a way with words, Ms. Cosmé.
I've often wondered what girlfriends have meant
when they said that they weren't ready to get serious
or tie themselves into an exclusive relationship just yet.
You're right, men like having the option of "yes" at our disposal.
... but often we dispose of it without ever giving it a fair chance.
There is a movement of young educated people towards
fulfilling one's own desires and finding one's own happiness
before considering getting attached to someone else's...
It's important to be sure you're ready to settle down
before you do so (that's why it's called settling),
but it's also important to share in the warmth
of the trust and comforts of another human.
All too often we focus on the immediate
rewards and lack the patience to see
long-term potentials of opportune
cost materialize. That's the main
reason that people in our age-
range are continuing to put
off long-term commitment
for the instantaneous benefits
of a quickie or a non-substantial
relationship. Why suffer through
the hard times when it's completely
unnecessary at this point in our lives?
Have we learned nothing from the mistakes
of our elders in the premature consummation
of a lack-luster relationship? Forget about your
second marriage... choose your first one just a bit
more carefully, and be sure that it's what will make
you the happiest for as far as you can project into the
future of your life. If nobody you've found can fulfill your
requirements... then wait it out. Time will differentiate the
meaningless from the substantial and you'll be glad you waited.
It is more wise to wait for what we think we want than to settle
for something we know we like but may not love... it is better
to be alone than to be locked into something that doesn't
make you feel completely satisfied in important ways.
Thanks for writing.
You have a way with words, Ms. Cosmé.
_______________________________
There. I plugged a friend's
article, and got my feelings
out at the same time - cathartic.
Maybe writing a blog on dating
and relationships will help me
the next time I get in one.
- John
